It's gone viral...

I was in a Honda meeting in Kyiv... another Scotsman was present... the legendary G.D.Harper

He was an auditor... a detective of the defective & devious...a criminologist, sniffing for fiscal crimes

To begin our pitch Victor inserted a USB into their computer... Almost immediately their IT guy came screaming into the room... 

"You've sent a virus around our network ... remove that pen drive now!!!' 

Victory surrendered 

The meeting continued ... we pitched... we talked ... we discussed cars, engines, tyres... I was getting tired...

... & then they asked ...

"What experience do you have with viral marketing?"

G.D.Harper & I corpse'd 

That night we went to watch Scotland vs Ukraine ... we were in the Ukrainian end... & we stood together for Flower of Scotland.... surrounded by thousands of bemused, hostile Ukes... 

Glyn ... YNWA 

Heinz is a Yank...overpriced & over here

https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/apr/09/spanish-writer-spills-beans-on-uks-saucy-secrets


Heinz shouldn't illustrate the above article..... but there were many things we thought were British growing up... that are actually American...

Ford cars, most game shows, the James Bond films... & recently Harry Potter

... & there are things that appear American but are actually British

Kraft A1 steak sauce, Charlie Chaplin, Hitchcock, Cary Grant... the movie Platoon by the pizda Putin stooge Stone .... & ... the fucking Muppets...

... & recently it's got more confusing; Guinness is British not Irish, Smirnoff is as Russian as Dame Helen Mirren, Rolls Royce & Bentley cars are owned by VW & BMW... the Mini is also Germ & originally designed by a Greek... probably why it always lost money... Land Rover & Jaguar are Indian...

Lea & Perrin's Worcester sauce was owned by Danone for a while, French's American mustard was British for a bit... Owned by Reckitt Colman ... who sold Colman's mustard to Unilever... Haagen Daz was American ... pretending to be Swedish... & owned by the Swiss for a time... meanwhile IKEA pretends to be Swedish, but is legally based in the Netherlands

... & Trump is a stupid Germ pretending to be American... while Boris Johnson is a Turk born in New York acting like an eccentric Etonian

When Nina couldn't get it up in Łazienki

The amazing Nina was always doing three things at once... Harlequin romance, the Financial Times, property investment... sometimes she even came to 101a for little light management

There was a great line in an interview with her in 1996... 'the meeting is interrupted while Nina tries to work out which one of her three mobiles is ringing'

Anyway... one warm summer evening Nina had organised an FT event at Belwedere... all the stars of Warszawa society were there... Mann i Materna maybe... Michnik possibly... Mike Murphy naturally ... & that's just the M&Ms.. Krzyśtof Quentin of course... the usual peacocks

... & to mark the occasion NKM even had the FT balloon... a Montgolfier moment was about to lift our spirits ... to reach for the sky... a lot of hot air was going to be wasted

But the damn thing wouldn't go up... I don't know the specifics, wrong brother ~ but I believe these contraptions work best in Spring & Fall... when the evening air is cold... & the heat allows them to elevate easily

Mike & I couldn't help notice ... that lying all pink & flaccid on the grass ... the poor balloon resembled a used condom.,,. some newspapers are tomorrow's fish & chip wrapping ... this one had been somewhere less savoury...

The Trojan War

I've met a few amazing marketing directors in my time... the best was probably Steve Watson at Nestle... I think he made 150 ads in 5 years in Russia. He understood the consumer & had great taste in ties...

But I also encountered a lot of idiots

In one Kimberley Clark/Huggies meeting this guy from London said ... 'Men use baby wipes in their cars ... to clean their hands... maybe we should advertise that...?'

I replied "Teenage boys buy condoms... fill them with water... & throw them off the roof ... but I don't think it's a USP durex should waste money on"