Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
I don't believe you did that..!
When I started in advertising we were only just beginning to get computers on every planners desk. And the internet was in its infancy. Therefore we had to use our imagination to get from the 9 to the 5.
A friend of mine used to photocopy the Guardian crossword puzzle at work. That way she would look as if she was deep in thought (she was) but it was of a more cerebral kind than her bosses suspected.
This lack of entertainment gave rise to the "wind up." Two of which I am proud to have performed.
The first involved someone we shall call Jill Blenkinsopp; because that was her name. She went on a basic media course for young planners called Media Circle. It took place every Thursday at JWT on Berkeley Square at 6pm. As I recall there were 10 lectures. If you had a 100% attendence record you got a certificate.
Miss Blenkinsopp proudly placed her certificate on her desk. She had only just joined Y&R from University and was one of those annoying perpetual student types. She left our business after a few years to go into teaching which explains what follows...
She asked me in her haughty way "did you get a certificate Gareth? I got a certificate." I explained to Jill that at Zenith, where I was when I went to Media Circle, the opportunity to leave the office at 5 should not be wasted on a lecture that posters reach drivers & young people go to the cinema. It was a golden opportunity to go home early for once. So no, I didn't get a certificate.
I then noticed that her certificate was black & white.
A quick visit to the photocopier gave me pretty decent facsimile of her beloved piece of paper. I had to glue another piece of paper to the back to give it significant heft & weight to stand up on its own. All I had to do now was wait.
Sure enough within 24 hours Miss Blenkinsopp started hectoring me about the values of a public school education. I leapt to my feet, picked up her "new" certificate & proceeded to shred it in front of her eyes. I threw the pieces in her bin. Jill's eyes filled with tears.
A friend of mine used to photocopy the Guardian crossword puzzle at work. That way she would look as if she was deep in thought (she was) but it was of a more cerebral kind than her bosses suspected.
This lack of entertainment gave rise to the "wind up." Two of which I am proud to have performed.
The first involved someone we shall call Jill Blenkinsopp; because that was her name. She went on a basic media course for young planners called Media Circle. It took place every Thursday at JWT on Berkeley Square at 6pm. As I recall there were 10 lectures. If you had a 100% attendence record you got a certificate.
Miss Blenkinsopp proudly placed her certificate on her desk. She had only just joined Y&R from University and was one of those annoying perpetual student types. She left our business after a few years to go into teaching which explains what follows...
She asked me in her haughty way "did you get a certificate Gareth? I got a certificate." I explained to Jill that at Zenith, where I was when I went to Media Circle, the opportunity to leave the office at 5 should not be wasted on a lecture that posters reach drivers & young people go to the cinema. It was a golden opportunity to go home early for once. So no, I didn't get a certificate.
I then noticed that her certificate was black & white.
A quick visit to the photocopier gave me pretty decent facsimile of her beloved piece of paper. I had to glue another piece of paper to the back to give it significant heft & weight to stand up on its own. All I had to do now was wait.
Sure enough within 24 hours Miss Blenkinsopp started hectoring me about the values of a public school education. I leapt to my feet, picked up her "new" certificate & proceeded to shred it in front of her eyes. I threw the pieces in her bin. Jill's eyes filled with tears.
"I don't believe you did that" she said struggling to hold back the waterworks. "I'm going to tell James." James Whitmore was the Planning Director.
When I got bored of her sniffles I took the original out of my desk and handed it back to her.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Herding Cats
They say that managing an advertising agency is like herding cats. The link in the headline show how to do it
I had that dream about a meaningful job again....
I took my daughter to Anfield in August. She took a book.
My grandmother was a big Liverpool fan, and when I say big, I mean huge. She had a season ticket for many years & even went to the European Cup Final in 1978, just 3 years before she died. And when she died we dispersed her ashes on the pitch in the same spot where Bill Shankly was spread.
Luckily even though my lovely daughter wasn't interested in any of this I was with my Uncle Bill who was. My Uncle is my hero. Why? Because he drove trucks for a living.
When I was a kid my Uncle parked a big "Fuck Off" Oil tanker outside our ticky tacky house in bourgeois Balerno, a suburb of Edinburgh. Our neighbours were horrified, I was delighted. I was the proudest pupil at school that day.
My dad, like most of our neighbours had a job that an 8 year old boy couldn't understand. Something at the University involving engineering & computers & machines and other unfathomable stuff. But a big oil tanker I could understand. Still can actually. My Uncle had a real job, one that I respect to this day. One that I admire everytime I get a bendy bus in London. Media buying is not a real job; it's not something an 8 year old can understand.
So I dream of driving a big truck one day.
My grandmother was a big Liverpool fan, and when I say big, I mean huge. She had a season ticket for many years & even went to the European Cup Final in 1978, just 3 years before she died. And when she died we dispersed her ashes on the pitch in the same spot where Bill Shankly was spread.
Luckily even though my lovely daughter wasn't interested in any of this I was with my Uncle Bill who was. My Uncle is my hero. Why? Because he drove trucks for a living.
When I was a kid my Uncle parked a big "Fuck Off" Oil tanker outside our ticky tacky house in bourgeois Balerno, a suburb of Edinburgh. Our neighbours were horrified, I was delighted. I was the proudest pupil at school that day.
My dad, like most of our neighbours had a job that an 8 year old boy couldn't understand. Something at the University involving engineering & computers & machines and other unfathomable stuff. But a big oil tanker I could understand. Still can actually. My Uncle had a real job, one that I respect to this day. One that I admire everytime I get a bendy bus in London. Media buying is not a real job; it's not something an 8 year old can understand.
So I dream of driving a big truck one day.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Finally....a decent Russian pop song
Click on the headline to see the first decent song I have heard in Russia. It's by a lady call Nyusha & the song is Chudo. The video appears to be a scary porno version of Cirque du Soleil but it's a start.
It is noticeable that the further East you go from Britain & Ireland the worse the music gets. Maybe it has something to do with the speed of sound. French music is merde, German songs are sheisse, Disco Polo in Poland ish pish (as Sir Sean Connery would say)
So by the time you get to the Ukraine you can barely hear Led Zeppelin, U2 & Snow Patrol. I think they are only just beginning to hear the Beatles & the Stones in Vladivostok. But their music might be muffled by the proximity of Karaoke from Japan.
It is noticeable that the further East you go from Britain & Ireland the worse the music gets. Maybe it has something to do with the speed of sound. French music is merde, German songs are sheisse, Disco Polo in Poland ish pish (as Sir Sean Connery would say)
So by the time you get to the Ukraine you can barely hear Led Zeppelin, U2 & Snow Patrol. I think they are only just beginning to hear the Beatles & the Stones in Vladivostok. But their music might be muffled by the proximity of Karaoke from Japan.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
"Everybody Lies"
I was sitting in a Millward Brown meeting the other week. Watching their dull charts flash by I started thinking of the motto of House - "everybody lies".
Millward Brown (no relation) is a research company. They look backwards not forwards. Bill Bernbach said, don't trust the research, it won't give you an idea.
I wouldn't even trust research to report the current situation. Because numbers can lie. People won't admit that driving by a poster made them part with $50,000 for a car. And yet it's true. We buy posters for automobiles & people go & buy metal.
Research won't tell you that. It will tell you to buy a print campaign for information & radio to reach people in traffic. Never trust research, nobody knows anything & everyone lies.
And watching "House" taught me another thing; our job is even simpler than I thought it was. With medical diagnostics there are so many possible options. A fever can suggest many things. But when our brands are sick we only have 6 potential prescriptions - TV, Press, Posters, Radio, Cinema & Digital.
There are many medical dramas on TV & very few about advertising. This is because advertising is a simple profession with no complex outcomes.
After many disasters they finally came up with a successful TV drama about advertising - Mad Men, which is more about the men than the mad. There will never be a great TV show about Media Men... because our job is too simple. There is no drama in that.
Millward Brown (no relation) is a research company. They look backwards not forwards. Bill Bernbach said, don't trust the research, it won't give you an idea.
I wouldn't even trust research to report the current situation. Because numbers can lie. People won't admit that driving by a poster made them part with $50,000 for a car. And yet it's true. We buy posters for automobiles & people go & buy metal.
Research won't tell you that. It will tell you to buy a print campaign for information & radio to reach people in traffic. Never trust research, nobody knows anything & everyone lies.
And watching "House" taught me another thing; our job is even simpler than I thought it was. With medical diagnostics there are so many possible options. A fever can suggest many things. But when our brands are sick we only have 6 potential prescriptions - TV, Press, Posters, Radio, Cinema & Digital.
There are many medical dramas on TV & very few about advertising. This is because advertising is a simple profession with no complex outcomes.
After many disasters they finally came up with a successful TV drama about advertising - Mad Men, which is more about the men than the mad. There will never be a great TV show about Media Men... because our job is too simple. There is no drama in that.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
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